Mom doesn't have a whole lot of admirable traits. That's not to say that she's a bad person, she just doesn't do things because they are right or good or just for the sake of doing them. She always has an underlying motive. For the most part, I think this is an unconscious thing. She isn't aware that she is as manipulative as she is. She doesn't understand that things can be done because you want to and not because some type of recognition or benefit will be had in the end. I like to think of her egocentricity as that of a 3-year-old, constantly seeking validation and constantly trying to get her own way.
A good example of this was when I was pregnant with my first child, Seren. Mom had invited us down to Phoenix to visit (we lived in Holbrook, AZ at the time), so that we could do some heavy-duty baby shopping. We spent several days there, combing through Babies R Us, making lists, and discussing what things we thought would be useful. One day while we were looking at crib sets, Mom asked me what I thought about Winnie the Pooh. I explained to her that while the stories are near and dear to me, the commercialization of the series just wasn't something that appealed to me, so I'd just as soon buy something more neutral, than go with any of the Disney-branded paraphernalia. That was the exact moment when the entire mood of the day lost all of its momentum. Later, when we went back to our hotel, we discovered that Mom had bought several hundred dollars worth of baby gear and left it for us to find in our room. Among the items, was a Winnie the Pooh crib set. I called mom and told her how much I appreciated everything, and that it was all just perfect, and that I couldn't wait to get it all home and set it up. Before I could address the crib set, she insisted in her most despondent voice that I could take it back and exchange it for a different one. Of course, this wouldn't do. I have to apologise for leading her to believe I wouldn't like it and convince her of how appreciative I was that she thought so well to buy it for us. The moral of this story is that every question Mom asks is loaded and should be handled as if her feelings are at stake, because they frequently are.
When I think of what trait I admire most about my mom, there are always exceptions like this one that come to mind, but I think what I really admire most about her is her undying faith in me. Every time I was in a situation where my world was collapsing around me, she was there to help in any way she could, even if it meant going without, herself. Even if we weren't good at being mother and daughter, even if we couldn't stand being in the same room together, even when she had nothing to give, she's always been there, believed me, and helped me to my feet.
When I think about my own children, I often fear becoming the person I know my mom to be. I strive to be a better parent in almost every way and I want earn the respect of my children, something I never truly had for my mom until I was much older. However, the one trait I strive to emulate is her commitment to caring for her children. It's in those rare, lucid moments that she truly shines as the beautiful woman I know she can be.
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